“How would you like your lamb?”
“On a rock with a pair of tweezers, please.”
Pic: @SiMackie
Lamb on a rock
No you can’t keep the trolley
NEW COCKTAIL: Overpriced Bag Of Pink Goop In A Shopping Trolley. Fifteen quid. No you can’t keep the trolley.
Pic: Nikos Pagonis
Train driver’s breakfast on a shovel
“Ahhh, but this one is OK because steam train drivers used to eat their breakfast off a shovel, cooked in the firebox.”
“I’M NOT A STEAM TRAIN DRIVER, I’M IN A PUB IN THE ISLE OF MAN.”
Pic: @JayMeW
“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA”
The forces of evil are gathering
Pic: @big_dshogroast
Michelin-starred floor sweepings
CHEFS! Transform your floor sweepings into Michelin-starred floor sweepings by serving them on a rock for twenty quid.
Pic: @lesleyrdunlop
Tiny plate extension
When you ask for a plate instead of a board but the replacement plate is so tiny it’s useful only as an extension.
Pic: @RightSaidJames
Toast in a tin bath
Toast.
Simple toast.
Dependable toast.
Just-put-it-on-a-plate toast.
FOUR QUID TO YOU.
“Any old iron? Any old iron?”
IRONING INSTRUCTIONS
Cotton: iron on high heat
Silk: iron on medium heat
Nylon: iron on low heat
Prawns: iron on manky board
Pic: @Zahn0
Hello, what’s your emergency?
*dials 999*
“Hello, what’s your emergency?”
“I ordered a sandwich and it’s been served in a phone box.”
Pic: @vinayaravind