Wooden boards

Oh how very generous

Burgers on boards

“All burgers are served on wooden boards so please request a plate if you would prefer one.”

If all burgers were served on plates, how many people would request a wooden board?


Pic: @JerryDLeigh

Beep Beep Beep Beep

Mini shopping trolley

“I’ll have the asparagus tempura, please.”





“What’s that noise?”





“Oh, that’s the mini forklift truck preparing your mini pallet and mini shopping trolley.”







Pic: @ClemMurphy

Hipster Vegemite on toast

Vegemite on toast

What you order: gourmet Vegemite on toast.

What you get: a chopping board, cold toast, a leaf stuck on some butter and a reminder to take your dog to the vet.

Pic: Huon Oliver

‘Smashed Martini’ nonsense

broken glass dessert

CHEFS! Turn brownies into expensive brownies by simply serving them on a plank with a broken glass.

(Legal note: it’s actually plastic. SO THAT’S ALRIGHT…)

Pic: @pollianicus

Beer-can gravy Hipstergeddon

gravy in a beer can

“Excuse me waiter, I didn’t order a beer.”

“That’s gravy, sir.”

“It’s what?”


“In a can?”


[looks round]


Pic: @Eamonn_Forde

“Any old iron? Any old iron?”



Cotton: iron on high heat

Silk: iron on medium heat

Nylon: iron on low heat

Prawns: iron on manky board


Would someone think of the trees?

tree sausages

“Waiter, I’m sure the menu said three sausages.”

“No, sir. It says tree sausages.”

Pic: HT

TGI Fridays don’t know what plates are

TGI Fridays

Dear ,

This is not “Heaven on a plate.” It’s average fast-food on a slate and board with a fake fryer.



Health and safety nightmare

chicken sword

The chicken lacks something, chef.”





“Reproduction medieval sword?”


Pic: M Graham

Chicken fingers in a skull

chicken skull

Chicken fingers in a skull.

A seashell of beans.

Fittingly, it’s all literally scraping the bottom of the barrel.


Yes, that is an actual desk organiser


A well-organised kitchen is one thing, but this is ridiculous.

Taken at Stoke Mill, Norwich.


Soup in a pan saves on washing up


Chefs: in future just bring us camping stoves, knock a few quid off and we’ll heat it up ourselves. Deal?


A plank of Bloody Mary meatballs

bloody mary meatballs

Do you like meatballs? Do you like Bloody Marys? The Old George in Bethnal Green serves both. At the same time. On a plank.

Pic: @butters_one

Sausages in a skull

Chefs: transform a plank of sausages into a more expensive plank of sausages by simply putting them in a goth’s ashtray.

Pic: @brightsparklej

Beans ‘on’ toast

This, according to No.1 Lounge at Garwick Airport, is beans on toast.

A difficult concept to grasp, despite the clue being in the name.
Pic: @HeatherP42

DIY burger

“I’m sorry our chef hasn’t assembled your pulled pork burger, he’s very busy buying little metal buckets, roof slates and weird-shaped boards online.”
Pic: @Cuff76

Five for the price of one

My Meat Wagon in Dublin have really pushed the boat named Idiocy out here.

– Chopping boards ✅

– Mini shopping trolleys ✅

– Mess tins ✅

– Inexplicable wooden spoons ✅

– Mash in a ramekin ✅

Pic: @annemarieregan1

Mushy peas in a latte glass

mushy peas in a latte glass

Fish does not belong on a board.
Chips do not belong in a bucket.
Mushy peas certainly do not belong in a bloody latte glass.

Pic: @lenmce08

You call this dignity in death?

crab samphire

Plonked on a wooden board which is sat in a metal tray, wearing a samphire wig, with a lemony smile and a bucket of chips for company.

Pic: @Clifflirt

Salsa donkey and nachos cart

When we posted this on Twitter last night, we completely misjudged the nation’s love for a plastic donkey with salsa caddies.

You can buy them online, but only for ironic purposes, obviously…

Pic: @NuniNunicorn

Weird sausage hanger

weird sausage hanger

Scratched chopping board ✅

Inexplicable Mess Tin ✅

Manky enamel mug ✅

Weird sausage hanger ✅


Pic: @SixFeetTen

Apple sauce in a wheelbarrow

apple sauce in a wheelbarrow

The perfect snack for when you fancy pork scratchings covered in chilli, on a plank, with a mini wheelbarrow of apple sauce.


Pic: @FreakyZoid

Wheelbarrow of ketchup

wheelbarrow of ketchup

Huge wooden board that’s never been in a dishwasher, mini wheelbarrow of ketchup and lettuce in a watering can.


Pic: @ClairChapman

Wheelie bin sauce

wheelie bin sauce

Chips in a shopping trolley and a mini wheelie bin for sauce. Mop and Shawshank Redemption tin bowl just out of shot.