“Bring out the gimp”

gimp hand

“Our kitchen gimp made the truffles. He likes to serve them himself.”

“Oh! Have you worked here long?”


Pic: @ailsajwilliams

‘Smashed Martini’ nonsense

broken glass dessert

CHEFS! Turn brownies into expensive brownies by simply serving them on a plank with a broken glass.

(Legal note: it’s actually plastic. SO THAT’S ALRIGHT…)

Pic: @pollianicus

Newton’s cradle dessert

newtons cradle dessert

Marshmallow: 12p. Fruit: 15p. Newton’s cradle with weird kebab things: 90p.


Pic: @john_shepherd

When fruit in a bowl just won’t do


“Chef, we can’t keep charging people so much for some bits of fruit in a bowl.”


Pic: Aunty Marianne

More cream-on-slate madness

cream pouring

DISCLAIMER:  does not endorse heavy-handed, point-proving cream-pouring on slates.

(Though we do endorse chefs who think serving cream on slate is a good idea having to clean the tables themselves).


The real reason dessert is in a boot


“Dessert in a glass boot, chef?”

“It looks great!”


“And it tastes better.”

“Err… are you sure about that?

“OK, we can charge more.”

Greg Wallace’s garden trowel

greg wallace's garden trowel

Dessert at Greg Wallace’s restaurant at the Ideal Home Exhibition.

That’s not a buttery biscuit base. IT’S A BLOODY TROWEL.

Pic: @elliepitkin

The cheese cupboard

“Can we have the cheeseboard for dessert, please?”
“Ah. You mean the cheese cupboard.”
“No, the cheeseboard.”
Pic: Laura Geary

Picnic table pandemic

So, a mini picnic table has made an appearance on the Great British Menu. Another one to throw on the fire with this lot.

National Ice Cream Day

On National Ice Cream Day, remember:
– Eat fast, eat smart.

– Use napkins to build a dam.

– Angle spoon to minimise scraping.

– Or just SEND IT BACK.
Pic: @dicko09

Crumble in cup = custard woe

“Hi, can I order the apple crumble, please? Oh, and can you serve it in a vessel so small that it necessitates adding the custard in instalments? Thanks ever so much.”

Pic: @MarkL1nc5

Pop art dessert horror

pop art dessert

Dessert served in an old soup tin on a picture frame.

Andy Warhol said: “Art is what you can get away with”. Same applies for cooking, it seems.

Pic: @lamaison87