Worst of We Want Plates

Amuse-bouche on a cactus

Amuse-bouche on a cactus

“Your amuse-bouche. Sign here.”

“Is that a real cactus that’s it’s served on?”

“It is a real cactus. Sign here.”

“On a real cactus.”

“Sign the disclaimer form, sir.”

Pic: Tom Staroscinski

Barbie Meat Dress

lady gaga meat dress

“Your beef, Sir.”

“Erm… is this a traditional serving method particular to the region?”

“No. Our chef just really likes Lady Gaga.”

Pic: Ged Richter

Next stop, landfill

prawn lollipops

“Our environmentally-friendly tempura is made with sustainable seafood and vegetables, harvested in ways that consider the long-term well-being of our precious land and oceans.”

“Wonderful! How’s it served?”

“On a large polystyrene block.”

Pic: @HynesLin

Bread in a commode

Bread in a commode

“Table for two, please.”

“Table for three? Certainly.”

“No, there’s only two of us.”

“One chair’s for the bread.”

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Boiled egg plumbing new depths

Eggvalve

“Would you like your egg boiled, poached or scrambled?”

“Boiled and balanced on a 15mm isolating ball valve, please.”

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Newton’s cradle dessert

newtons cradle dessert

Marshmallow: 12p. Fruit: 15p. Newton’s cradle with weird kebab things: 90p.

MENU PRICE: EIGHT POUNDS.

Pic: @john_shepherd

Train driver’s breakfast on a shovel

“Ahhh, but this one is OK because steam train drivers used to eat their breakfast off a shovel, cooked in the firebox.”

“I’M NOT A STEAM TRAIN DRIVER, I’M IN A PUB IN THE ISLE OF MAN.”

Pic: @JayMeW

“Any old iron? Any old iron?”

Iron

IRONING INSTRUCTIONS

Cotton: iron on high heat

Silk: iron on medium heat

Nylon: iron on low heat

Prawns: iron on manky board

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Hello, what’s your emergency?

Phonebox

*dials 999*

“Hello, what’s your emergency?”

“I ordered a sandwich and it’s been served in a phone box.”

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Sausage in a wine glass

sausage in a glass

“What wine do you recommend?”

“The 2004 Argentinian Chardonnay is bursting with flavour.”

“What flavour?”

“Sausages.”

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When fruit in a bowl just won’t do

mug-tree

“Chef, we can’t keep charging people so much for some bits of fruit in a bowl.”

“FETCH THE MUG TREE AND A DRILL.”

Pic: Aunty Marianne

Ridiculous fish ‘n’ chips

fish and chips

Chips in a shopping basket – CHECK.

Fish on rocks – CHECK.

Plastic seaweed – CHECK.

Fake fish-market crate – CHECK.

Mini table – CHECK.

Pic: D Ryan

Health and safety nightmare

chicken sword

The chicken lacks something, chef.”

“Seasoning?”

“No.”

“Jus?”

“No.”

“Reproduction medieval sword?”

 

Pic: M Graham

Fish on a stick in a rock on a mirror

fish stick

“Today’s specials include fish on a stick in a rock on a mirror.”

“Literally?”

“Literally.”

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Shepherd’s Pie in a glass

shepherds pie in a glass

You can’t go wrong with a classic Shepherd’s Pie. Unless you’re the Old George Inn, South Cerney.

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Yes, that is an actual desk organiser

drawer

A well-organised kitchen is one thing, but this is ridiculous.

Taken at Stoke Mill, Norwich.

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A plank of Bloody Mary meatballs

bloody mary meatballs

Do you like meatballs? Do you like Bloody Marys? The Old George in Bethnal Green serves both. At the same time. On a plank.

Pic: @butters_one

Steak in a bird bath

steak in a birdbath

“I’ll have the steak, please.”

“And how would you like your steak?”

“On a concrete birdbath.”

SAID NO ONE. EVER.

Pic: @neilwillley

Peppercorn sauce catastrophe

sauce

Insubstantial slate guttering plus watery peppercorn sauce minus napkin dam equals catastrophe.

Pic: Chris Collins

Sausages in a skull

Chefs: transform a plank of sausages into a more expensive plank of sausages by simply putting them in a goth’s ashtray.

Pic: @brightsparklej

The Botanist has a hissy fit

After being blocked on Twitter by The Botanist in Newcastle, we’d like to show them there’s no hard feelings via a montage of their chutney wheelbarrows.
(NB: Also used for ketchup, apple sauce and piccalilli. Includes 10% Hipster Tax).

Artist’s palette wrap

“Chef, we’re struggling to find stuff to put in the holes in these art palettes.”
“Did table 12 leave any of their pasta?”
“YES CHEF!”
Pic: @nykkieb

The cheese cupboard

“Can we have the cheeseboard for dessert, please?”
“Ah. You mean the cheese cupboard.”
“No, the cheeseboard.”
“CHEESE CUPBOARD.”
Pic: Laura Geary

Picnic table pandemic

So, a mini picnic table has made an appearance on the Great British Menu. Another one to throw on the fire with this lot.

Double fault

It was only a matter of time before someone jumped on the Wimbledon bandwagon. In this case the Mercure Hotel in Bloomsbury.

Pic: @brokeinthesmoke

Spaghetti Bollocksnese

Spag bol in a glass at Folie Douce Valdi. Even mixing it prior to serving was just *too* much trouble.

Pic: @benhowell123

Goldfish under a prawn cocktail

goldfish under prawn cocktail

File under WTF.

We regularly get tweeted pics of prawn cocktails in glasses. Most people think this is fine. This one, however, is not…

Pic: @millyandpip

Starter on a brick

starter on a brick

“Here’s your starter on a house brick, Sir.”

*scrapes starter off brick, launches brick into kitchen*

Pic: @matthewcorbett

Wheelie bin sauce

wheelie bin sauce

Chips in a shopping trolley and a mini wheelie bin for sauce. Mop and Shawshank Redemption tin bowl just out of shot.

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