Side orders

The definition of viscosity

mushy peas




The state of being thick, sticky, and semi-fluid in consistency, due to internal friction.

Example: “Mushy peas are too viscous to be poured from a gravy boat.”

Pic: @Titley4

Bread in a commode

Bread in a commode

“Table for two, please.”

“Table for three? Certainly.”

“No, there’s only two of us.”

“One chair’s for the bread.”


The Curious Case Of The Phantom Jelly Moulds


It started, as many We Want Plates posts do, with an email from a follower submitting a picture.

Sam Gardner had visited De Koffie Pot in Hereford, and been presented with a Scotch egg in a metal jelly mould – standard We Want Plates fodder. There was a side of chutney in another, smaller, metal jelly mould.


The menu at De Koffie Pot was checked, as always, and Scotch eggs were present. Up it went on Twitter.


The next day De Koffie Pot, who were tagged, posted a tweet thanking We Want Plates followers for their constructive criticism, and dismissing the photographic evidence that they served Scotch eggs in jelly moulds. They simply don’t do it. Sam Gardner must have been lying.

The ‘Herefordshire Events for all’ Facebook page defended them on Facebook, having a pop at #Internettrolls (nice hashtag) and backing up De Koffie Pot‘s claim that the jelly mould photo was “not actually from their cafe”.


‘Herefordshire Events for all’ went on to post an “Example of how it’s always been served to us. Perfectly cooked on a plate, staff fabulous, NEVER a large over-cooked Scotch egg alone in a metal jelly mould.”


But hang on a second – what’s that nestled at the back of the dish? It looks like a small metal jelly mould containing chutney, just like the one in the picture emailed by Sam Gardner…


It is a small metal jelly mould containing chutney, just like the one in the picture emailed by Sam Gardner!

Sensing something was awry, a quick search of Instagram produced an interesting find: another customer eating a Scotch egg at De Koffie Pot just three weeks ago – in a metal jelly mould.


We attempted to tweet De Koffie Pot to ask whether they were victims of a curious trend in which customers sneak jelly moulds into their establishment in order to enjoy eating their savouries on an uneven surface which makes cutting them up a real faff.

However, the inevitable had happened. We’d been blocked.


Maybe we’ll never know…

Have you eaten a Scotch egg at De Koffie Pot? Was it served in a jelly mould, or on a plate? Feel free to tweet your pics to @WeWantPlates

Sausages in a skull

Chefs: transform a plank of sausages into a more expensive plank of sausages by simply putting them in a goth’s ashtray.

Pic: @brightsparklej

Give peas a chance


Peas in colanders. Peas in plantpots. Peas in sea shells. Peas in shot glasses. Peas in milk churns. Peas in teacups.



The Botanist has a hissy fit

After being blocked on Twitter by The Botanist in Newcastle, we’d like to show them there’s no hard feelings via a montage of their chutney wheelbarrows.
(NB: Also used for ketchup, apple sauce and piccalilli. Includes 10% Hipster Tax).

Bread on a steamer

“What shall we serve bread on?”

“How about something with loads of holes to drop crumbs all over the table.”


Pic: @jo_blogs

Salsa donkey and nachos cart

When we posted this on Twitter last night, we completely misjudged the nation’s love for a plastic donkey with salsa caddies.

You can buy them online, but only for ironic purposes, obviously…

Pic: @NuniNunicorn

Jam-jar juice and trolley of chips

shopping trolley of chips

Two crimes for the price of one: jam-jar juice and trolley chips. You get a tiny £1 coin back when the trolley is returned.

Pic: @WhelanLWH