viscosity
/vɪˈskɒsɪti/
noun
The state of being thick, sticky, and semi-fluid in consistency, due to internal friction.
Example: “Mushy peas are too viscous to be poured from a gravy boat.”
Pic: @Titley4
The definition of viscosity
Side orders
Behold the Lego breadbasket
“Would you like some bread while you wait?”
*bread arrives*
“I’M FORTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD.”
Pic: @megoizzy
The definition of rubbish chips
Pickles inside a Russian doll
Bread in a commode
“Table for two, please.”
“Table for three? Certainly.”
“No, there’s only two of us.”
“One chair’s for the bread.”
Pic: @alexbean
DIY salad
Your salad arrives on a plate.
But it’s also in a plant pot.
With a pair of secateurs.
And you cut it yourself.
Pic: @jenvmcclure
I got 99 problems
Shopping trolley crisps
Toast in a tin bath
Toast.
Simple toast.
Dependable toast.
Just-put-it-on-a-plate toast.
FOUR QUID TO YOU.
Dog bowls are for dogs. Period.
A reminder on #NationalPetDay that dog bowls are for dog food.
Not waffles, beans or chilli.
Definitely not gin & tonic.
Plumbing new depths
Increasingly-familiar ‘bacon washing-line’ idiocy, plumbing new depths with salvage from a restaurant re-fit.
Pic: @h1dudley
Howzat? Bloody awful!
A hollowed-out cricket bat, handy for dispatching the food straight back to the kitchen.
Pic: @SarahASculpher
The march of the chiptanks
Remember the pints of sweaty chips?
“They’ll never catch on,” we said.
CHIPTANKS ARE HERE.
HT: @TheRamblingElf
Coach bolt and camping mug
If only someone would invent some kind of skewer device for eating corn on the cob…
Pic: @isobelblaikie
Germ-riddled crevices, yum yum
Chorizo and crackers in a rock, for diners who love meat served in germ-riddled crevices.
Pic: @DanCarmichael
The Curious Case Of The Phantom Jelly Moulds
It started, as many We Want Plates posts do, with an email from a follower submitting a picture.
Sam Gardner had visited De Koffie Pot in Hereford, and been presented with a Scotch egg in a metal jelly mould – standard We Want Plates fodder. There was a side of chutney in another, smaller, metal jelly mould.
The menu at De Koffie Pot was checked, as always, and Scotch eggs were present. Up it went on Twitter.
The next day De Koffie Pot, who were tagged, posted a tweet thanking We Want Plates followers for their constructive criticism, and dismissing the photographic evidence that they served Scotch eggs in jelly moulds. They simply don’t do it. Sam Gardner must have been lying.
The ‘Herefordshire Events for all’ Facebook page defended them on Facebook, having a pop at #Internettrolls (nice hashtag) and backing up De Koffie Pot‘s claim that the jelly mould photo was “not actually from their cafe”.
‘Herefordshire Events for all’ went on to post an “Example of how it’s always been served to us. Perfectly cooked on a plate, staff fabulous, NEVER a large over-cooked Scotch egg alone in a metal jelly mould.”
But hang on a second – what’s that nestled at the back of the dish? It looks like a small metal jelly mould containing chutney, just like the one in the picture emailed by Sam Gardner…
It is a small metal jelly mould containing chutney, just like the one in the picture emailed by Sam Gardner!
Sensing something was awry, a quick search of Instagram produced an interesting find: another customer eating a Scotch egg at De Koffie Pot just three weeks ago – in a metal jelly mould.
We attempted to tweet De Koffie Pot to ask whether they were victims of a curious trend in which customers sneak jelly moulds into their establishment in order to enjoy eating their savouries on an uneven surface which makes cutting them up a real faff.
However, the inevitable had happened. We’d been blocked.
Maybe we’ll never know…
Have you eaten a Scotch egg at De Koffie Pot? Was it served in a jelly mould, or on a plate? Feel free to tweet your pics to @WeWantPlates
Pub bans man after chip bucket row
Crown & Badger owner says he has given a patron a time-out from visiting the drinking hole due to “negativity”. Full story
VW camper van with surfboard tapas
“Our chef is trying something new with the tapas tonight.”
*makes drinky-drink motion*
Pic: @Beetrootrabbit
Sausage tree klaxon
Half a pint of corn on the cob
When you’re recovering from the shock of chips in a glass and your corn on the cob arrives.
Pic: @thechocbakery
Coleslaw in a shopping trolley
A plea on National Toast Day
On #NationalToastDay please just put it on a plate. Not in a tin bath, a little pan, a mini fryer or a log. Thanks.
Plumbing new depths
Because why wouldn’t you want onion rings hanging on salvage from the restaurant’s bathroom refit?
Pic: @FSekeleni
See what they did there?
Pic: @FTomaschiwskyj
Tapas in a teacup
Jenga chips on a slate coaster
Just when you thought Jenga chips couldn’t be more irritating, they get served on a coaster.
Pic: @sam_foodandwine
What to buy a lunatic for Xmas
Mini Serving Watering Can and Dustbin: ideal Xmas presents for the unhinged chef in your life.
Pic: @AzzyChill
Huge chips or tiny table?
Dubai’s Belgian Beer Cafe makes small portions look huge by serving them on tiny tables. The snides.
Pic: @harrisphotog
Shot glass traffic light spring rolls
“Our chef calls this Shot Glass Traffic Light Spring Rolls.”
“Is he drunk?”
“Yes. Yes, he is.”
Pic: @simonpjbest
What’s the collective noun for chips in mugs?
An inadequacy? A cupple? A gargle?
People are still putting food in shoes
Prawn cracker basket optical illusion
“We booked after seeing your menu online – your prawn crackers look HUGE!”
“Ah. About that…”
Pic: @Clifflirt
Chips in a pint glass
Of course it does
An affront to condiments
“Can I get you any sauces?”
“A tiny amount of ketchup on a spoon and some vinegar in a cup, please.”
Pic: @dbbas
Half a pint of black pudding
Half a pint of vegetarian black pudding on a plank. Three crimes for the price of one.
Pic: @mintymat
Chips in a tree
“Can we have some chips and dips to start, please?”
“Of course. I’ll get the chainsaw.”
Pic: @RachaelHasIdeas
Greeks rue plate-smashing
Centuries of plate-smashing catches up with Greece as crockery shortage leads to tzatziki/board woe.
Pic: @kewgreen
“White, one sugar, no salad”
Remember the wheelie bin code
Throw it in a tiny canal
“Here are your chips, sir. Bring the trolley back and we’ll refund you a tiny £1 coin.”
Pic: @Levisan
Sausages in a skull
Chefs: transform a plank of sausages into a more expensive plank of sausages by simply putting them in a goth’s ashtray.
Pic: @brightsparklej
Toast in a tin bath
Even toast isn’t safe any more.
@philyourbootz
Give peas a chance
Peas in colanders. Peas in plantpots. Peas in sea shells. Peas in shot glasses. Peas in milk churns. Peas in teacups.
ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PEAS A CHANCE.
(Sorry).
Bread-shoe contraption
Come back bread in flat caps, all is forgiven.
Pic: @joojifruits
International Bacon Day
A simple request to all chefs on International Bacon Day:
STOP MESSING WITH BACON.
The Botanist has a hissy fit
After being blocked on Twitter by The Botanist in Newcastle, we’d like to show them there’s no hard feelings via a montage of their chutney wheelbarrows.
(NB: Also used for ketchup, apple sauce and piccalilli. Includes 10% Hipster Tax).
Are we being trolled?
Cappy Yorkshire Day!
All taken at The Star Inn at Harome. Which is in Yorkshire, if you hadn’t guessed.
Bread in a handbag
“Chef, we’re out of bread baskets.”
“Don’t suppose you brought a handbag to work, did you?”
Pic: @83_baker
Bread on a steamer
“What shall we serve bread on?”
“How about something with loads of holes to drop crumbs all over the table.”
“I’LL GET THE STEAMER!”
Pic: @jo_blogs
Mini shopping basket disaster
Mac and cheese mugs
Silly sausage
Half a pint of sausages
“I’ll have a plate of sausages please.”
“Sorry mate, we only serve pints or halves.”
Pic: @ramblinghobo
Salsa donkey and nachos cart
When we posted this on Twitter last night, we completely misjudged the nation’s love for a plastic donkey with salsa caddies.
You can buy them online, but only for ironic purposes, obviously…
Pic: @NuniNunicorn
Nightmares on wax
Ham on a mirror
This was taken at a nursing home’s garden party, so we’ll cut them some slack.
But still… WOW.
Pic: @Trowners
Soy sauce shopping trolley
You CAN have too many chips
Scotch egg with severed artery
Scotch egg with extract of severed artery, on a scratched board.
*wags finger at The Fox in Twickenham*
Pic: @supeep
Cut your own salad
“Sorry Madam, the chef can’t be arsed to plate up your salad so here’s a pot of dirt and some secateurs.”
Pic: @LJ_Skipper
Fake grass asparagus trick
Farrow & Ball tin idiocy
Bird poo or butter?
All-time condiment low
Jam-jar juice and trolley of chips
Two crimes for the price of one: jam-jar juice and trolley chips. You get a tiny £1 coin back when the trolley is returned.
Pic: @WhelanLWH
Bread in a flat cap
Croquettes in a shoe
This is an actual thing in Las Vegas. What happens in Vegas, REALLY should stay in Vegas.
Pic: @Aerohaveno
Bread on an executioner’s block
Popcorn in a clog
“Can I interest you in some popcorn in a wooden clog? At Aquitaine in San Francisco.”
Pic: @lucchesi
“You’ve never had a cup of beans?”
Tin cans on a log
Rice and spinach in tin cans with steamed veg on a log. Even the cauliflower looks embarrassed.
Pic: @Warpdog
Lonely cracking on a log
Bread in a log
