[waiter emerges from kitchen amid a cloud of smoke, flames licking his heels, tips of his waxed moustache on fire]
“Your dessert, sir.”
Pic: @ThomasI82
[waiter emerges from kitchen amid a cloud of smoke, flames licking his heels, tips of his waxed moustache on fire]
“Your dessert, sir.”
Pic: @ThomasI82
“Our kitchen gimp made the truffles. He likes to serve them himself.”
“Oh! Have you worked here long?”
“MMFF MMMMMFF MMFF.”
Pic: @ailsajwilliams
CHEFS! Turn brownies into expensive brownies by simply serving them on a plank with a broken glass.
(Legal note: it’s actually plastic. SO THAT’S ALRIGHT…)
Pic: @pollianicus
If only someone would invent a round, ceramic vessel with a lip to prevent custard spillage.
Pic: @stakgeorge
Marshmallow: 12p. Fruit: 15p. Newton’s cradle with weird kebab things: 90p.
MENU PRICE: EIGHT POUNDS.
Pic: @john_shepherd
“Is the ice cream locally produced?”
“No, but the jam jar and bit of skirting board are from a skip down the road.”
Pic: @joannabeaufoy
A ‘sharing ice cream sundae’ at @Auntbibbyshull. Presumably shared by a pug, poodle, Chihuahua and West Highland Terrier.
Pic: Kate Slone
“Chef! We’ve run out of dessert bowls!”
“Don’t panic, I kept a load of ashtrays after the smoking ban.”
Pic: Jess English
Yeah.
Read more as @illicit_empress visits Japan’s Alcatraz.
Pic: @Sharpo001
When your dessert arrives on a plank while you’ve gone to the toilet and the ice cream makes a break for freedom.
Pic: @joe_petch
“Chef, we can’t keep charging people so much for some bits of fruit in a bowl.”
“FETCH THE MUG TREE AND A DRILL.”
Pic: Aunty Marianne
“…and for dessert we have apple pie, cheesecake or the chef’s ‘Shit The Bed’ special.”
Pic: @BlueHeronFarmTX
“I’m jazzing up the waffles.”
“How chef?”
“Perspex paddles.”
“Nice!”
“Slates.”
“Great!”
*unzips fly*
Pic: Marie L
Large slice of tree
Butcher’s-window grass
Upside-down drawer tidy
Pic: Dawn Staples
A valiant yet fruitless attempt to disguise the embarrassment of eating dessert from a tiny bath.
Pic: @MsDarlizzle
That moment when everyone else gets plates and your dessert arrives on a porcelain horse head.
Pic: elder3817
DISCLAIMER: @WeWantPlates does not endorse heavy-handed, point-proving cream-pouring on slates.
(Though we do endorse chefs who think serving cream on slate is a good idea having to clean the tables themselves).
Pics: @__akarach
Wasabi spongecake with a ‘wow’ factor. As in: “Wow, some tool has served my dessert on a tree.”
Pic: @MirjamvD
Serving lemon meringue on a roof slate wasn’t annoying enough so they deconstructed it.
Pic: @110ElmfieldRoad
“Hi. We’ve booked a table for three.”
“Tree?”
“No, three.”
“Would a table for tree be a problem?”
Pic: @Wkhanye_
Putting tiny desserts on large boards and piping messages in the vast empty spaces is still a thing?
“Dessert in a glass boot, chef?”
“It looks great!”
“Really?”
“And it tastes better.”
“Err… are you sure about that?
“OK, we can charge more.”
Leftovers assembled on a bit of roof slate. Or as @HarveyNichols call it, lemon meringue pie.
Pic: @TeenageDream
Trifle or crime scene, you decide.
Pic: @coffeenone
Dessert at Greg Wallace’s restaurant at the Ideal Home Exhibition.
That’s not a buttery biscuit base. IT’S A BLOODY TROWEL.
Pic: @elliepitkin
“Can we have the cheeseboard for dessert, please?”
“Ah. You mean the cheese cupboard.”
“No, the cheeseboard.”
“CHEESE CUPBOARD.”
Pic: Laura Geary
So, a mini picnic table has made an appearance on the Great British Menu. Another one to throw on the fire with this lot.
On National Ice Cream Day, remember:
– Eat fast, eat smart.
– Use napkins to build a dam.
– Angle spoon to minimise scraping.
– Or just SEND IT BACK.
Pic: @dicko09
The lack of a plate is the least of the worries here.
Pic: @Onehand72
“Hi, can I order the apple crumble, please? Oh, and can you serve it in a vessel so small that it necessitates adding the custard in instalments? Thanks ever so much.”
Pic: @MarkL1nc5
Either the cheesecake has had an argument with the raspberries, or this is the worst episode of Robot Wars ever.
Pic: @wozziel
“New pub near me does a cheese board on a skateboard. And not a very impressive cheese board either!”
Pic: @Tannerlogue
Always keep your cake drawer fully stocked.
Pic: @ellespeller
Chocolate pudding in a frying pan, on a board. Just to be doubly annoying.
Pic: @jmetMUFC
Blimey, they don’t give you much room to play with in the frying pan, do they?
Pic: @Coghlan4
Pic: @simonr916
*wags finger* Everyone knows mugs are for chips…
Pic: @Gr3ant
How are you supposed to pour your bloody custard into this? Or do you take a swig with each mouthful of crumble?
Pic: @bowdren1
A cheesecake crime so bad you almost don’t notice the slate.
Pic: @BlondeCassie
Just needs some catnip and a toy mouse.
Pic: @LDN_Paddington
Got a creamy head on it, at least.
Pic: @helenzaltzman
We’re reliably informed that the waiter delivered this to the table with a straight face.
Pic: @Danuk9
Malva pudding, ice cream and custard. Lovingly served on a stainless steel shovel.
Pic: @tintinomalley
The ice cream has already made a break for it.
Pic: @deasmi
TOP TIP: Avoid washing up by simply covering the table with plastic and throwing dessert on it.
Pic: @figsteruk1
Dessert served in an old soup tin on a picture frame.
Andy Warhol said: “Art is what you can get away with”. Same applies for cooking, it seems.
Pic: @lamaison87
“There’s been a murder!” Dessert on a roof tile and in a mini saucepan.
Pic: @Dan_Townley