Is that a cat activity centre?

Just needs some catnip and a toy mouse.

Tin dish and tweezers

Salad, served in a tin dish which you have to open yourself, then eat with tweezers.

BON APPETIT.

“Sorry Madam, the chef can’t be arsed to plate up your salad so here’s a pot of dirt and some secateurs.”

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you a mixed grill… ON A SHOVEL.

‘Pink Sperm Shun Ovum Guarded By Lone Raspberry’

IT’S ART.

Got a creamy head on it, at least.

Prosecco, chilled in a Wellington boot. Utterly unacceptable.

Pork medallions served in a novelty urinal.

That LITERALLY takes the piss.

We’re reliably informed that the waiter delivered this to the table with a straight face.

Chopping board too big? Just chuck some butcher’s-window grass on it. GENIUS.