Obligatory mini desk lamp

Log – check

Axe – check

Obligatory mini desk lamp – check

If only someone would invent a thing…

If only someone would invent a round, ceramic vessel with a lip to prevent custard spillage.

“Half a pint of mac and cheese, please.”

“You want to make it a parmesan 99?”

On a positive note, at least there isn’t salsa in the ashtray.

How To Get Your Meal On A Plate – A Step-By-Step Guide

1) Ask for your meal on a plate

2) Erm… that’s it

Marshmallow: 12p. Fruit: 15p. Newton’s cradle with weird kebab things: 90p.

MENU PRICE: EIGHT POUNDS.

“Is the ice cream locally produced?”

“No, but the jam jar and bit of skirting board are from a skip down the road.”

“Martini. Shaken, not stirred. With loads of mash and spring onions.”

Chowder, served with the warning: “Don’t touch the can, it’s hot.”

If only some kind of ceramic alternative existed.

…if someone would just invent some sort of vessel for drinking it out of.