“How was your meal?”

“The chips were rubbish.”

Pic: @willdicki

viscosity

/vɪˈskɒsɪti/

noun

The state of being thick, sticky, and semi-fluid in consistency, due to internal friction.

Example: “Mushy peas are too viscous to be poured from a gravy boat.”

Pic: @Titley4

“Half a pint of mac and cheese, please.”

“You want to make it a parmesan 99?”

Pic: @Beill

On a positive note, at least there isn’t salsa in the ashtray.

Pic: @EllieMaiBain

Toast.

Simple toast.

Dependable toast.

Just-put-it-on-a-plate toast.

FOUR QUID TO YOU.

It started, as many We Want Plates posts do, with an email from a follower submitting a picture.

Sam Gardner had visited De Koffie Pot in Hereford, and been presented with a Scotch egg in a metal jelly mould – standard We Want Plates fodder. There was a side of chutney in another, smaller, metal jelly mould.

The menu at De Koffie Pot was checked, as always, and Scotch eggs were present. Up it went on Twitter.

The next day De Koffie Pot, who were tagged, posted a tweet thanking We Want Plates followers for their constructive criticism, and dismissing the photographic evidence that they served Scotch eggs in jelly moulds. They simply don’t do it. Sam Gardner must have been lying.

The ‘Herefordshire Events for all’ Facebook page defended them on Facebook, having a pop at #Internettrolls (nice hashtag) and backing up De Koffie Pot‘s claim that the jelly mould photo was “not actually from their cafe”.

‘Herefordshire Events for all’ went on to post an “Example of how it’s always been served to us. Perfectly cooked on a plate, staff fabulous, NEVER a large over-cooked Scotch egg alone in a metal jelly mould.”

But hang on a second – what’s that nestled at the back of the dish? It looks like a small metal jelly mould containing chutney, just like the one in the picture emailed by Sam Gardner…

It is a small metal jelly mould containing chutney, just like the one in the picture emailed by Sam Gardner!

Sensing something was awry, a quick search of Instagram produced an interesting find: another customer eating a Scotch egg at De Koffie Pot just three weeks ago – in a metal jelly mould.

We attempted to tweet De Koffie Pot to ask whether they were victims of a curious trend in which customers sneak jelly moulds into their establishment in order to enjoy eating their savouries on an uneven surface which makes cutting them up a real faff.

However, the inevitable had happened. We’d been blocked.

Maybe we’ll never know…

Have you eaten a Scotch egg at De Koffie Pot? Was it served in a jelly mould, or on a plate? Feel free to tweet your pics to @WeWantPlates

On #NationalToastDay please just put it on a plate. Not in a tin bath, a little pan, a mini fryer or a log. Thanks.

Pic: @FTomaschiwskyj

Mini Serving Watering Can and Dustbin: ideal Xmas presents for the unhinged chef in your life.

Pic: @AzzyChill

Dubai’s Belgian Beer Cafe makes small portions look huge by serving them on tiny tables. The snides.

Pic: @harrisphotog

“Our chef calls this Shot Glass Traffic Light Spring Rolls.”

“Is he drunk?”

“Yes. Yes, he is.”

Pic: @simonpjbest

“We booked after seeing your menu online – your prawn crackers look HUGE!”

“Ah. About that…”

Pic: @Clifflirt

“Can I get you any sauces?”

“A tiny amount of ketchup on a spoon and some vinegar in a cup, please.”

Pic: @dbbas

Even toast isn’t safe any more.
@philyourbootz

Peas in colanders. Peas in plantpots. Peas in sea shells. Peas in shot glasses. Peas in milk churns. Peas in teacups.

ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PEAS A CHANCE.

(Sorry).

Come back bread in flat caps, all is forgiven.
Pic: @joojifruits

Serving food on broken plates is just taking the piss. Really.

Pic: @BarryShawkins

All taken at The Star Inn at Harome. Which is in Yorkshire, if you hadn’t guessed.

“Chef, we’re out of bread baskets.”
“Don’t suppose you brought a handbag to work, did you?”
Pic: @83_baker

“What shall we serve bread on?”

“How about something with loads of holes to drop crumbs all over the table.”

“I’LL GET THE STEAMER!”

Pic: @jo_blogs

Scampi in a shopping basket = ketchup on table and trousers.

Pic: @katheaton

Sausages and onions. In cups. In a Toby Carvery. *weeps gently*

Pic: @CardiffTeaCup

This was taken at a nursing home’s garden party, so we’ll cut them some slack.

But still… WOW.

Pic: @Trowners

Butter served on a pebble, aka ‘ATTACK OF THE GIANT SEAGULL’

Pic: @HarcourtJane